61: The Official Parent Survival Guide to May

as well as the weekly recommendations

In this week’s edition, I’ve got the weekly recommendations as well as an essay on how parents can survive the month of May, BUT FIRST…

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🎧 Listen Up 🎧

In episode 185, Jason and I discussed Bill Belichick’s VERY normal romance situation, we talked about our favorite names from the Kentucky Derby, and we speculated on where Giannis will be traded in the upcoming NBA offseason.

For Binge Thinking, we recapped the most recent episode of Survivor as well as discussed the trailers for Now You See Me: Now You Don’t and the Rock’s newest Oscarbait, The Smashing Machine.

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💡Group Chat💡

If you missed last week’s group chat, make sure to check it out as we discussed our favorite reads of the year thus far. Tons of good recs and suggestions all throughout the comments.

I actually put together this spreadsheet of recommendations if you could use more than 65 different book suggestions…

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🎉 The Recommendations 🎉

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📚 The Bright Sword

WHERE: Amazon / Audible

I’d heard a lot about this one prior to reading, and I’m glad I finally gave in, as it is a richly layered reimagining of Arthurian legend, focusing on the aftermath of King Arthur’s death and the efforts of lesser-known knights to restore a fractured Camelot.

The storytelling is super rich and well structured, and if you like spending time in fantastical realms, you’ll really enjoy the pace on this one.

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📚 The Pirate King

WHERE: Amazon / Audible

This biography looks into the life of Captain Sir Henry Morgan, a Welsh privateer who became one of the most formidable and accomplished figures during the golden age of piracy.

Unlike many of his pirate peers, Morgan wasn’t hunted down or executed; instead, he was celebrated in England, knighted, and appointed governor of Jamaica.

The primary focus of the book is to relive Morgan’s daring raids against Spanish settlements, his strategic prowess, and his complex transition from a feared buccaneer to a respected colonial administrator. But it also examines the blurred lines between piracy and privateering and how it might just be a matter of perspective.

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📺 Conclave

WHERE: Amazon / Peacock

In honor of the conclaval festivities getting underway, this was a top-5 movie for me from last year.

The visuals, the dialogue, the cinematic symbolism, you’ll be hard pressed to find a better movie so specifically suited to this particular cultural moment.

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✍️ Essay: The Official Parent Survival Guide to May

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For parents, May isn’t a month, it’s the school calendar’s Final Boss.

It’s like someone took December’s chaos, June’s heat, and January’s emotional instability, threw it in a blender, and hit the button for “RUINATION.”

Honestly? The way they get you in May is to front-load it with the fun and quirky stuff.

“It’s gonna be May.”

“May the Fourth be with you.”

“Cinco de Mayo.” etc.

But it’s all an elaborate ruse to distract you from May’s real purpose, which is to slowly break your will like a Roman general disciplining a rebellious province.

There’s something every day. Field Days. Theme Days. Last Days. Retirement parties for teachers you’ve never heard of. Spring musicals where your kid is “Tree #3” but somehow rehearsals are, wait this can’t be right, every morning before school and every night until 9pm? For Tree#3??

It’s not that we don’t love our kids. It’s not that we’re not proud. It’s just, if I have to attend one more “end of year celebration” where the celebration is sitting in an auditorium watching a slideshow of blurry photos set to Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten, Imma start doing lines of asbestos off the back of a field day clipboard.

So, in the interest of public health and private sanity, here’s your official May Survival Guide, a tactical blueprint for getting to June without needing to fake your own death and start a new life in Canada.

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1. Assume Nothing Is Optional

If it shows up in your inbox, it’s law. If it comes from a Room Mom, it’s a scholastic executive order legally binding in 37 states.

Why? Because May doesn’t request, it demands and commands.

The only thing optional is your dignity, which you’ll slowly lose as you sprint across the Target parking lot at 7:58 am in Crocs and clutching napkins for the class lunch picnic that is somehow scheduled for 9:30 to 9:45 am.